therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
