Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
