I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
two words...techno handjob
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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