Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
