If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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