I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
