I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
