I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
