return my video game
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
