i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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