Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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