Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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