My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
