What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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