I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
