He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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