I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
