So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
