my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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