As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
