"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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