i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm passing your future prison.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
