Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
