Can i not drive my cunt home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
