Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
