I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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