i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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