i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
