My first STD was from a foam party
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sext me about skeletons
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
