No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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