she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
