You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Operation Purity has been aborted
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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