the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
