We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
