They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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