do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
