i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
