sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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