i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
