yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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