When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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