you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
