My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
