That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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