Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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