literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
