I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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