He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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