That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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