Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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