Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize