Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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