why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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