so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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