Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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