SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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