Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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