I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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