you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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