im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
