soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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