what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
