Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
