just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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