obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
