I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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