I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
