Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
