I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
