I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
