Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm really busy with my period
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