ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
