Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
