Got a toothbrush?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
