now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
