Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
