Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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